Why now?

Many times in my life I have been called to write, or connect with my guides. Depending on the day, the year, or even the decade, historically I would either listen or ignore and tune out.

Part of this is my naturally stubborn personality as I typically have issues with authority or feeling out of control. If I feel like it is a chore or I am doing something because I “have to” rather than because I “want to” (or am not in resonance with), I resist. This is probably the reason why I struggle with being told I have to wear a mask, or go into “lock down,” especially when it goes against my resonance or inner knowing. But I digress.

Looking back, I find that the times that I am most in flow with my soul and my mission, I listened to the inner guidance to just go with my higher self and allow. Here is a refresher on the distinction between my guides, my higher self and my ego. It is when I started assigning judgement or “ego” to most of these calls to connect with my guides that the frequency of those moments was of resistance, and creative block. At these times I am also unaligned with my mission. Maybe it was my soul’s way of telling me I was not prepared to hear the messages at that time, or maybe I chose not to listen out of human-ness. Either way, this week I realized that I could no longer deny or ignore the kick in the butt from my guides, and to put in the work of sitting with my higher self and these messages, and capturing (literally the message or image that I get is “get your laptop (or pen/paper/journal, or quill”), depending on the day.

So on 11-11 (such a synchronous date, no??), I was guided to take today, 11-13, off from work and to get everything that is swirling around in my head out, to start to connect the dots, and to “inner-stand.” I briefly contemplated requesting the day off from my boss for “soul mission” time, but knowing him, I didn’t think he would take me seriously.

I woke up today, did my 3D “chores” - made coffee, got Tyler breakfast, put the dishes in the dishwasher, and checked my work emails before announcing to Jared that I had taken the day off to write. Off I went to gather materials and get to work. I was prompted by my guides to “grab my shit” (they put it much nicer) - so I scooped up my eclectic pile of journals, note pads, tarot decks, and years of thoughts, feelings, passages, doodles, and messages, and of course Cooper, because he is my little shadow. And I settled in, in my favorite spot (my bed), to feel into the now moment and to write.

When I write, I am using two parts of my “self” - the 3D parts: physically typing on the laptop, checking spelling, and tuning into the noises and situations around me, and the 5D parts: my intuition, zero point or flow state, clairvoyance, non-judgement, etc. etc. Sometimes I can easily bounce between the two “realities” and live in both at the same time, but other times it takes a more concentrated effort to stay in one or the other for extended periods of time. I am working on that, with my energetic exercises that I will talk about later. It’s all on the list/outline of various topics that I scribbled down from downloads that I received over the course of the week instructing me to write about.

I wasn’t quite sure where to start, or WHAT to write, but I sat with it, and listened to my guides and opened up one of my journals. It was a journal given to me by a dear friend 20 years ago, in 2000. We were in high school at the time, and we were what our friends and teachers affectionally referred to as “joined at the hip.” We knew things about each other before anyone else knew and we were connected on a deep level. I believe that we were meant to be in each other’s lives at that time for a reason. More on that another time, but Lis, you are a special soul and I love you.

She gave me this journal to write, draw, and capture everything that was in my head, especially during physics class where I would tune out the most because many of the concepts didn’t make sense to me at the time. The energy from the drawings brought me back to the this time in 2000, when my mind could easily wonder. I reminisced about how well my friend knew me, more than I knew myself at the time, perhaps. I flipped through the writings, and doodles and stopped at a few to read and feel into those memories and the energy of the moments. I could feel my soul’s remembrance or recognition of itself in my feelings from the time. It’s actually a pretty wild feeling, but it is almost like a confirmation that I am/was all that I am coming to understand more now. I am connected to my higher self, and trust in the fact that my soul knows and has always known it’s path. These synchronicities happen in many of my “now” moments lately, continuously providing feedback that I on the right track and to keep going and keep allowing this information to come out. In flow state, we become awakened to our true mission and true identity.

These two particular passage resonated so strong, because it perfectly captured how my 18-year-old self felt about the world, still trying to understand my self and fit in. I was navigating my life in a world where there were not words to describe what I felt in my heart to be true but few would understand, while also recognizing my own power and inner strength. All of this while I was not yet equipped to understand what was an intrinsic part of ME.